Is it -

the ads for the news telling you they will tell you the news at 11? Couldn’t they just tell us something now?

Like why are all grocery carts made with one bad wheel? Please – somebody go into the grocery cart wheel repair business. I know someone works on improving these things since there are now ‘pint size’ carts. These were brought in to maintain occupancy levels. They allow room for more kid friendly ‘jumbo size’ carts. Do you think they’ll be redesigning the displays and put all that appeals to children on the bottom shelves soon?

Speaking of displays, does anyone know if it’s a marketing rule to have every “New and Improved” package contain less product? And I wondered what all those marketing majors really did after college.

In truth they might be the smarter ones. Have you noticed when it says fewer calories, it’s usually smaller? I’d say “duh” however we consumers seem to be taking the bait. Not that we have any choice.

You do get to choose where to park though. My last grocery store AUGH is to wonder what the deal is with folks who need to sit and wait in their cars right at the front of the grocery store as though they are at the airport baggage claim? Maybe stores should design parking areas with a Cell Phone Lot so passengers could call their rides while in checkout. Oh yeah – there is a Cell Phone Lot. It is all those empty parking spaces out there.

I wonder if these wait in the fire lane people are the same drivers who think they have a foot to the LEFT of the yellow line. Did I miss a change in the driving rules? The way I remember it, the yellow line is the center. I am to stay to the right of center line and you in turn, coming from the other direction, should stay to your right of the line – this includes your travels around the curves. Route 9 is not a racetrack. There are likely to be people coming from the other direction. Unless you are late for your tee time, stay on your own side of the road.

Of course after you tee off you know the golfers in the group ahead will have a LOT OF MONEY riding on their putt? At least it would seem so considering how long it takes them to get off the green.

And you have already seen they should be taking an 8 on the hole anyway? I know every single stroke is important - JUST maybe not THAT important. It is GOLF after all.

It is also bug season. Are all flies a little bit less than bright? Why do they keep banging their heads against a window when the door is open one foot away? Plus, there are plenty of empty homes for them to hang out in. What made them think they were welcome in my space?

Did you know Ed McMahon’s space is up for sale? I’d have said did you hear but the news is such not the sale but the foreclosure. His home has been up for sale for two years apparently. Oh the woe of people with money – Ed McMahon is fighting foreclosure on his multimillion dollar home. I am stunned speechless on this one. Yes, I go to the gas pump also and I can see how money is tight for many people but come on – not being able to make the mortgage payment of a 4.8 million dollar loan doesn’t just sneak up on a person. And I’ll bet he even has ‘people’ to tend to that sort of thing for him. Now I don’t know if he has people or not so I suppose I shouldn’t assume.

It’s all relative though and it’s easier to read about the financial troubles of Ed McMahon than the neighbor since I can’t really help dear old Ed and therefore I am without the need to assume guilt. If it was my neighbor on the other hand, maybe I would be more empathetic. Hey – maybe Brittany will come to Ed’s rescue. She is his neighbor after all and presumably also the reason for a decline in the housing market nearby.

Just maybe they should consider revising their zoning ordinance. Again I have made an assumption. Beverly Hills surely has zoning. Can you even imagine how complicated that one might be?

As for complicated…how exactly do you open the sealed electronic package? It has to increase production costs to have so many indents that one can’t simply take a pair of scissors and cut across to get to what is inside the package.

Speaking of open…which way should a restroom stall door open? Inward and you have to straddle the stall to close it since floor space is money and there is no money in larger bathrooms. They are almost all designed with just enough clearance for the door to swing past the front of the toilet. I think the architects forgot to put a person in the formula. Therefore should it open outward? This becomes a safety issue for which the company could be held liable. You see it might be opened on some unsuspecting passerby who then having the bladder suddenly jarred pees uncontrollably. Oh think of the unintended consequences of that action. Graduate students take note. There is probably grant money for a study here.

Public restrooms are not however places for cell phone conversations. Are you at all annoyed by this? Then you are old. No – I’m kidding. But not really. Grannie - my husband’s grandmother - was in fact annoyed when the party line was discontinued. She was interested in everyone’s business you see. And when the party line went away she couldn’t listen in. So that was back some 80 years or so. I for one believe things do come full circle. Interestingly enough if you consider that now we have the privilege of hearing everyone’s business again. Unfortunately I have yet to evolve and I for one am sometimes annoyed. Maybe it’s the fact that I only get to hear one side of the conversation that’s annoying. Or that I am not able to put in my penny thoughts. If everyone used a speaker phone then we wouldn’t have to fill in the other half of the conversation and we could add to the drama. Seriously – the phone call that really should not be answered is the one that comes while you are sitting on the toilet in the public restroom trying to keep the door from swinging open. People Please. If you aren’t a doctor or a mother – and the one’s I have heard are most certainly not doctors, I am only hoping they aren’t mothers - please do NOT answer that phone while you are doing your other business. It cannot be that important and it is, well, it’s just nasty.

AUGHGH

Don’t you just go AUGHGH when the disclaimer is longer than the product’s ad? Pay attention folks. The lawyers will have the last word.

If you are inclined to sue over anything written above here, be advised this is not in any way about you, your relatives or related to anyone you are not related to nor does it imply that you have or will be wronged in any way. Do not read half the article. You must read every word as written. If you add or modify any sentence, the author is no longer responsible for any feelings held thereafter. If you experience even the slightest negative emotion after reading this article, read another article immediately and
GET OVER IT!

This is the tiny print intended to keep all possible legal issues at bay. It also states “InthePanhandle.com is not responsible for the content of this article “ but would love to have you comment at which point I may conclude you have really good eyesight and will consider lobbying for much smaller billboard signs. This in turn will allow for more than one to go in that tiny front yard.

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